domestic abuse awareness month

#grlclbDAAM day 11 - abuse & identity

one of the most lingering aspects of the abuse experience is what it does to your sense of self. it can also take a very long time for this to manifest. it can be years after your abusive relationship ends before you realise that don’t know who you are. for me, when the relationship ended, i was so caught up in seeming ~fine~ that i managed to convince myself that i was.  i spent a lot of time after we broke up, focusing solely on my sense of identity *in relation to men*. i was preoccupied with how men saw...

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#grlclbDAAM day 10 - accepting abuse

people who have never found themselves in an abusive relationship may struggle to understand the process of dealing with the fallout after the relationship itself has ended. one of the most difficult things can be actually coming to terms with the fact that you were abused. it took years for me to confront that fact, and even longer to learn how to deal with it. many of us exist with such internalised misogyny that we’re still under the illusion that abuse is a woman’s fault, or that it makes her weak. this is a narrative that is fed to us...

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#grlclbDAAM day 9 - making a safety plan

day 9  making a safety plan while many of us suffer abuse at the hands of partners who do not live with us - and this is valid and just as serious - there are women for whom a safety plan becomes necessary. this is a way of helping you to protect yourself and your kids. it’s a way to plan for the inevitability of future violence, and to provide you with an escape route if the situation gets to the point where you are no longer safe in your home.  it should never be your responsible to stop the...

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#grlclbDAAM day 8 - digital abuse

digital abuse is an emerging trend within society - our increased access to the internet, while useful and amazing and freeing, can also give abusers a new way to exert control over their victims. it is something that we might fail to recognise as an abusive behaviour as our relationship with social media & the internet continues to change and adapt, it can be hard to know where to draw the line at intrusive and controlling behaviours by a partner. this is, essentially, uncharted territory for many people suffering abuse. behaviours involved in digital abuse include: threatening or abusing you...

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#grlclbDAAM day 7 - sexual abuse & coercion

sexual abuse & coercion can be a complex issue - especially given that there are those who believe sex is expected and even mandatory in a romantic relationship. this, of course, erases the experience of many people for whom sex is not a necessary or enjoyable thing. even within the realm of people who enjoy sex with their partner, there are times when this becomes abuse.  some behaviours associated with sexual abuse & coercion are as follows: pressuring you into having sex pressuring you into sexual acts that you’re uncomfortable with making you feel guilty about not having sex making...

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